apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
