Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
