Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
