you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize