pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
