can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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