how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
