Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
