Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
