I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
