where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
