I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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