Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
