Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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