Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
