oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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