I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
