I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
