Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
