So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
