Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
