So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I need moral support for this bender
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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