It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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