I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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