Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
