I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
