I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
