If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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