I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
