i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
