in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
