You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
