Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
