we're blogging at a bar
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
