You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
