i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
