Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
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second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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