but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
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Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
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Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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