This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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