its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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