I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
