Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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