She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
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i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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