wakey wakey hands off snakey
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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