Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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