I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
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Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize