used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
