I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
