you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sext me about skeletons
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
