Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
