I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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