My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
