all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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