And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize