6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You ruined the universe
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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