You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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