Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
