we have officially lost it.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
