i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am available for nakedness
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
