remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
