Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
