My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
