I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize