I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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