i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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