This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
