For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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