Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
