Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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