Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
