I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
