I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
