One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
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This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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