A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
