Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
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Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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