hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
